Fans Concerned After Oprah’s Favorite Things List Just 6-Pack Of Miller Lite

CHICAGO—Revealing their sincere worries about the iconic talk show host’s wellbeing and mental health, fans expressed concerns Friday after Oprah Winfrey’s annual Favorite Things list only featured a six-pack of Miller Lite. “Yeah, I know this year has been hard on everyone, but I guess I wasn’t expecting Oprah would just include a sixer of cheap beer or rave about how great it was to crack open a brew to start off your bullshit day,” said Sarah Alexander of the short gift list slated to be published in O, The Oprah Magazine alongside a full-page spread of Winfrey in a baggy Tennessee State sweatshirt, reclining on a sofa littered with empty cans. “It was also a little disturbing to hear her say that they were the perfect gift for a friend, family member, or coworker who wanted to unwind during their commute or just blow off all of life’s fucking hassles by pulling over into a parking lot and getting tanked. I thought there’d be a lotion or a candle recommendation, but nope. Just her saying that the can also makes a handy ashtray. Jeez, y’know? Is everything okay?” Alexander also expressed consternation that the media mogul encouraged to pass on the giving spirit “with love and delight” by drunkenly taking a leak on their neighbor’s lawn.