Fan Wishes Team Was Sponsored By A Cooler Corporation

INDIANAPOLIS—Lamenting that the company did not even have anything to do with sports or his city, Pacers fan Kevin Schulder admitted Wednesday that he wished his team was sponsored by a cooler corporation. “It’d be sick if they had Monster or Nike as a sponsor, but it’s fucking Bankers Life Fieldhouse—I’ve never even heard of Bankers Life before I came to a game,” said Schulder, expressing frustration that their division-rival Milwaukee Bucks fans got a way more badass sponsor in Harley Davidson. “I’d even settle for something like Geico, which at least has funny commercials. I’ve never seen a Bankers Life ad in my life. I don’t even what they are. A bank? Insurance? Maybe if we got a cool company like Volvo or Del Monte people would finally take us seriously as a contender.” At press time, Schulder was telling friends the team sponsorship should be taken over by a true Indianapolis company like Angie’s List.