Everything Reminds Man Of ‘Her’

GENEVA, IL—Admitting that he thought he would have moved on by now, 28-year-old marketing analyst Garrett Moore reportedly grew wistful and teary-eyed Monday while revealing that everything still reminded him of Her. “Even the breeze in the park reminds of the cool rush of air conditioning I felt in the theater that night when I first saw Her,” said Moore, adding that everything from the smell of buttered popcorn to the sweet taste of raspberry iced tea brought back torrents of vivid memories that could always be traced back to Her. “When I close my eyes, I can picture Her so clearly. Any time I hear that Kim Deal song “Are You Mine?” I recall those few fleeting hours we spent together in the summer of 2013. I’ve rarely seen Her since I left the theater that night. About a year ago, I saw Her across the room at a party, but didn’t have the courage to approach. Maybe it’s for the best. Either way, I’ll always cherish what we had back then.” At press time, Moore confirmed that the $13.29 he paid for that magical night with Her was the best money he’d ever spent.