As one of the biggest victims of persecution in her own mind, author J.K. Rowling recently announced how far she would be willing to go to protect her anti-trans views, and this is what she said.
Travel To Tuscany
In fact, she has repeatedly insisted she’d be willing to spend upwards of two weeks enjoying everything the region has to offer in the name of transphobia.
Pay For Twitter
Some people have no problem utterly debasing themselves in order to spread their message.
Never Shit Again To Avoid Ever Running Into A Trans Person In A Bathroom
She would rather die from fecal impaction than wash her hands next to someone whose birth sex was male.
Use Cruel, Vitriolic Language To Publicly Bully An Oppressed Minority Group Of People
Well, obviously.
Take A Photograph Behind The Bars Of A Novelty Jail Cell In The Western-Themed Area Of An Amusement Park
Her devoted army of TERFs pledged to crowdfund the $49.99 (plus admission fees) needed to make this happen.
Use The Word ‘Martyr’ Over 200 Times A Day
In order to protect the cis community, J.K. Rowling will continue to say that she died at the hands of the woke mob several times per hour.
Kill A Boy
The boy will die. It is his destiny as a sacrifice upon the altar of gender essentialism.
Get Kind Of Horny Over All This
It’s not completely conscious, but the outrage is turning her on.
Keep Counting Her Untold Millions Like None Of This Is Even Happening
As much as public criticism of her hateful views can sting, her money will never judge her.
Mutter Weird Spells Under Her Breath Whenever Someone Criticizes Her
It’s obviously not doing anything, but it’s pretty unnerving nonetheless.
Donate Her Genitals To The TERF Hall Of Fame
Only the most virulent anti-trans advocates are allowed to display their penises and vaginas in those hallowed halls.
Write A Whole Shitty Book About It That Nobody Will Read
It won’t have a strong story or characters, but it will certainly make points.
Sopping The Sloop
She has also expressed her intentions to blust the buttering and greep on the groof.
Run Over Daniel Radcliffe With A Car, Go Through A Lengthy Trial, And Ultimately Be Exonerated Due To Wealth And Fame
Rowling has asserted she’d be willing to commit vehicular manslaughter and then pay millions in legal fees to stop the Harry Potter star from addressing others by the correct pronouns.
Shut Up For, Like, 2 Seconds
Just kidding!
Make Some Really Awful Comparisons To The Holocaust
In this metaphor, she is going to cast herself as Anne Frank, and we’re all going to have to sit and watch it happen.
Spend Several Years Training As A Pastry Chef To Get Admitted To The Auguste Escoffier School Of Culinary Arts, Graduate As An Expert Pastry Chef, And Open A Bakery So She Can Deny Service To A Trans Couple Ordering A Wedding Cake
On the plus side, she’ll probably be able to make pretty solid macarons.
Work To Remove All Toilets Everywhere
There will be no restrooms to worry about any trans people using with anyone else, and everyone will be provided their own bucket.
Licking Any Cis Person’s Genitals
She has been fixated on genitals for so long that she has become ravenous for their taste.
