Awareness Of Grinning Faces Of Death Surrounding You At All Times
They’re always there, in every ripple of water and maze of branches, smiling and waiting, so you may as well know it.
Less Social Anxiety About Never Shutting The Fuck Up About Doing Hallucinogens
Taking psychoactive substances has been linked to an increase in feelings of wellness allowing you to go on and on about your Joshua Tree weekend without worrying that you’re annoying everyone.
Advance Career
A growing number of professionals swear by microdosing as a way to boost their creativity and advance their careers, which is an incredibly sad use for drugs, but a use nonetheless.
Artistic Inspiration
Unlocking your mind with hallucinogens can help you make the absolute worst, most dogshit art ever made by anyone.
Breaking Your Mother’s Heart
If your mom ever found out it might kill her, but it’s long past time for you to be your own person and stop blindly following the path your parents set out for you.
Gives You Access To Abstract, Esoteric Knowledge
Regularly ingesting LSD or psilocybin can provide access to esoteric spiritual concepts like “love” or “happiness.”
One Stronger Leg
Nutrients present in most hallucinogens can make the muscles and joints in one of your legs way stronger. You don’t get to pick the leg, though.
Treats PTSD
Helps veterans deal with the fact that they killed 15 children in Afghanistan so they can get back to their happy lives and never think about it again.
Makes Dogs Softer
Seriously, is Hershey a living cloud? We mean it. Pet her. Feel this.
You Won’t Sound Like A Dork When You Do An Impression Of Someone On Drugs
Once you try them for yourself, you’ll see just how silly you looked spinning your head around 360 degrees and pretending your hands were lobster claws.
Gives You The Power Of Flight
A mere 5 mg of psilocybin with allow the user to climb out to the roof of a 10-story building, leap off, and soar through the air much like a bird.
More Prismatic Sex
Couples who’ve grown bored with the drab skin tones of their partner’s genitals find their interest in sex renewed once those sex organs begin fizzing with trillions of incandescent colors.
It Can Help You Understand
Some say the cryptic, impenetrable early 2002 comedy can only be truly comprehended by someone who’s on shrooms.
Mental Health
Studies have shown that ingesting psilocybin under the supervision of a therapist may make conditions like depression and anxiety more fun.
Helps Come Up With Brilliant Ideas Like Thud
Elon Musk microdoses daily, and it is reportedly associated with the brainstorm session that helped him come up with this highly successful, toast-of-Silicon-Valley brand.
Supporting Your Sister’s Shaman Practice
Look, it’s weird, but she’s finally found something that gives her meaning. Try to be supportive.
Learning Who Your Real Friends Are
Most friends will begin distancing themselves the minute you start talking about your tedious epiphanies, leaving behind the few who truly value you or just want your Ayahuasca hook-up.
Absolute Fucking Terror
Maybe your assistant manager job doesn’t seem so bad now that you know what it’s like for demons to slurp out your bone marrow.
$50 Gift Certificate For Participation In Clinical Trial
If you’re an individual between the ages of 18-49 living with depression and anxiety, you may qualify for a Northwestern University study examining the effects of taking extremely high doses of LSD and being thrown down a giant chute.
You Can Talk About It On Rogan
Look, you gotta fill out those four hours one way or another.
Potential To Meet God
You’re almost eight times more likely to run into God if you’re tripping on psychedelics.
