The media has been criticized for repeatedly failing to mention children killed in Israeli airstrikes on Gaza. The Onion examines every word used besides “children” to describe Palestinians under 18.
Pre-Corpse
Used in an effort to be more politically correct.
[Name Redacted]
Can’t let them get any sympathy by publishing their names.
5 Points
Every time an IDF soldier gets 100 points, they are promoted.
Soon To Be Extinct
With their greatly diminished population outside of captivity, Palestinian children risk being lost forever.
Missile Magnets
For whatever reason, Palestinian children seem to love being on the receiving end of bombing operations.
Incubator Jihadists
Premature babies in Gaza are often referred to by this more threatening term.
Brown-Skinned Humanoid Designed To Elicit Empathy
Don’t let their sad little eyes fool you. These kindergartners are mass murderers who thirst for blood.
Itty-Bitty Murder Guys
Or, depending on the news story, “itty-bitty murder gals.”
Prepubescent Killing Machines
AP guidelines specify that any Palestinian younger than 12 should be referred to as this.
Rascals
Israel’s state media often tries to malign young victims in Gaza by painting them as no-good ragamuffins who rarely behave.
193-year-olds With Terminal Cancer
Hoping to spin their deaths as a kind of blessing, IDF propaganda posters often paint innocent children as extremely old people who are in a great deal of pain and ready to let go.
Randos
What are they even, like, doing in Gaza?
Hamasito
Spanish for “little Hamas.”
Adolescents
A more formal term for children. That’s it. No subtext here, just a nice synonym to beef up your vocabulary.
The ‘Butchers Of Israel’
Palestinian children collectively have earned themselves the moniker of a notorious serial killer.
Little Brown Thing
Nothing to mourn here. Just a few thousand little brown things have been extinguished!
Small Humanlike Beings
At least the media is willing to acknowledge that they may be near personhood.
Basically Adults
And adult deaths aren’t sad! Sorry, we don’t make the rules.
Them Darn Kids
Them rascals keep gettin’ in the way of the IDF’s dang bullets!
Anti-Jews
This phrase comes from the Zionist belief that Palestinian children all come from a negative dimension and are the inverse of the Jewish people.
On The To-Do List
The IDF is getting around to shooting them all, they promise.
