Every Driver In Roundabout Just Winging It

MT. HOREB, WI—Saying they have “no earthly clue” exactly when it’s okay to enter and exit, all of the drivers currently in the roundabout at Springdale and 8th Street admitted Monday that they’re pretty much “just winging it” whenever they pass through. “Who has the right of way? What does a yield sign really mean? I haven’t needed to know since my driver’s ed test. Why are there two lanes? Should I stop to let this guy in? Wait, no way, that seems dangerous. Who’s honking at me? Is that coming from behind me or from the approaching car on my left?” said driver Alan Sommer, 42, one of countless aimless motorists flicking their blinkers on and off, gesturing at other drivers, halting suddenly after their car is halfway into traffic, and otherwise performing whatever dangerous and unpredictable action felt right to them. “I’ve driven this way every day for 15 years, and I still have no goddamn idea if I’m supposed to signal before exiting or what the sign with those fucking arrows means. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, a pedestrian now?” At press time, the ambulance driver on his way to a six-car pileup in the roundabout confessed that he, too, was just winging it.