Donda Sports Sets Modest Goal Of Only Ruining A Few Athletes’ Careers In First Year

LOS ANGELES—Confirming that the agency wanted to set realistic expectations for what it could accomplish, Donda Sports officials told reporters Thursday that they had set a modest goal of only ruining a few athletes’ careers in their first year. “The best way to get this business off the ground is to start small and really focus on helping a few select clients completely squander their earning potential,” said Donda Sports owner Kanye West, adding that the marketing agency was committed to giving its initial clients, including Boston Celtics guard Jaylen Brown and Los Angeles Rams defensive tackle Aaron Donald, the worst advice imaginable for developing their personal brands. “We strive to be a full-service agency: We want our clients to be completely unemployable, unmarketable, and roundly detested by all fans within the next 12 months. Guys like Aaron and Jaylen believe in us enough to be our first clients, and we want to respect that by giving them our full attention, whether that’s offering them catastrophically shortsighted financial advice, getting them corporate sponsorships with declining brands, or otherwise ensuring that they’re in the best possible situation to end up in headline-grabbing scandals. Sure, we could go chasing as many clients as possible and just kind of ruin their lives, but right now, we’re focused on absolutely obliterating any chance that Jaylen and Aaron will have at profiting off their likenesses or accomplishments after their playing careers are over.” As proof of the services his agency offered, West pointed to Donda’s advice that Donald should retire from professional football because they could ensure he would lose every cent he earned from playing in the NFL within a calendar year.