Dog Could At Least Try To Act Like It Cared About Ukraine

CHICAGO—Noting that the dog had failed to even acknowledged the devastating international conflict, local man Justin Chang told reporters Friday that his American pit bull terrier could at least try to act like he cared about Ukraine. “Uh, I don’t know if Petunia has heard, but Russia is waging an illegal war and killing innocent Ukrainian civilians, and it’s pretty insensitive to just ignore it,” said Chang, adding that his 6-year-old dog was somehow just able to eat, go on walks, and sleep in sunbeams while a bloodthirsty autocrat violated international law and committed heinous war crimes every single day. “Hey, Petunia, I’m not saying you should go to Ukraine and fight or anything, but it would be nice if you could at least recognize that lives were lost. It’s actually beyond tone deaf of you to get zoomies and beg for a treat right now. This is basically like Black Lives Matter all over again.” At press time, Chang stormed out of the room after Petunia wagged her tail excitedly and barked when Vladimir Putin came on television.