Disgusting Gyro Meat Magically Turns Delicious After Midnight

CHAMPAIGN, IL—A serving of greasy, heavily processed gyro meat was magically rendered delicious by the passage of the midnight hour, drunken Nick’s Parthenon patron Sam Afton reported Monday. “Aw, man, this is so awesome,” said Afton, gorging on the 14-hour-old, sodium-drenched strips of grade-C ground beef and lamb. “Thank God this place was open—I was starving.” During his six years in Champaign, Afton had walked past the low-cost Greek eatery on 207 occasions, each time disgusted by the smell and sight of the massive rotating cylinder of cheap, low-grade meat on twin spindles.