DHS Sets Security Alert Level To Green For 8 Seconds

WASHINGTON—For a brief eight-second period Tuesday, Homeland Security officials lowered the national terror alert system to green, indicating the first occasion since September 11, 2001, that the United States of America was at absolutely no risk of a terrorist attack. “During this time there was no anti-U.S. chatter on the Internet, no al-Qaeda operatives planning to behead an American soldier or journalist, and no suspicious individuals boarding any foreign or domestic flights,” Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano said during a White House press briefing. “It was a pretty wonderful eight seconds.” The terror alert level was then immediately raised to red after terrorists drove a truckful of explosives into the Seattle Space Needle.