Beginning this week, the City of Detroit will shut the doors of its police stations to the public for 16 hours a day. Here are other ways the cash-strapped city is saving money:
Replacing the east side’s 11 functional streetlights with compact fluorescent bulbs
Emergency response subcontracted to former Motown session musicians
City now leaving all its trash outside Cleveland for pickup
911 will secretly change its number to 912 to lighten call volume for the dispatchers
Food bank will now be stocked solely with octopuses collected from the rink during Red Wings playoff games
Only one homicide to be reported per day, via lottery system
Fourth of July fireworks just dumb kid popping red paper bag
$100 Symbolism Exploitation Fee on all tourists photographing urban decay
