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Depression Accelerates Aging

Lab tests have shown that the cells of people who have suffered from severe depression appeared biologically older than the cells of non-depressed individuals, suggesting that the mental affliction speeds up the aging process in our bodies. What do you think?

Heather Delbert • Metal Polisher

“I had no idea Kirk Douglas was so depressed.”

Heather Delbert • Metal Polisher

Diego Zuber • Naval Architect

“It’s a good thing I avoid depression by going to the tanning booth and eating whatever I want.”

Diego Zuber • Naval Architect

Jeremy Ashwill • Vehicle Painter

“Just in case you were wondering, happiness won’t make you any younger.”

Jeremy Ashwill • Vehicle Painter




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper