CPR Instructor Recommends Giving Gentle Forehead Kisses Between Chest Compressions So That Victim Feels Safe

FRANKFORT, KY—Teaching the proper method for administering urgent, lifesaving care, a local CPR instructor recommended giving gentle forehead kisses between chest compressions so that the victim felt safe, sources reported Thursday. “Losing consciousness from respiratory or cardiac arrest is a traumatic experience, so it’s important to comfort victims by giving them tender kisses upon their brow, along their temples, and then right here,” Red Cross–certified instructor Timothy Carson said as he nibbled gently on the CPR dummy’s earlobe, nuzzled its neck, and then administered 30 forceful chest compressions to demonstrate the soothing resuscitation technique. “While you may have heard that the Bee Gees’ ‘Stayin’ Alive’ provides the ideal tempo for performing CPR, your soft caresses of the nonresponsive person’s hair, cheeks, and chest should be administered to the beat of Seal’s ‘Kiss From A Rose.’ And in order for them to feel secure, you absolutely must lean into their ear to whisper, ‘You can’t die—I love you,’ when trying to unblock their obstructed windpipe.” Carson went on to explain that once the victim had been revived, they need to be spooned for at least 10 minutes.