Covid Denier Struggling To Protest State’s Incoherent, Constantly Changing Coronavirus Policies

EAU CLAIRE, WI—Growing frustrated as she tried to figure out what the latest round of bullshit tyrannical restrictions meant for her, local Covid denier Grace Paquin reportedly admitted Wednesday that she was struggling to effectively protest her state’s incoherent and constantly changing coronavirus policies. “It’s just hard to pinpoint one thing to object to when it seems like our officials are changing the rules for the Wuhan hoax virus every single goddamn week,” said Paquin, adding that she and some friends were going to protest the complete closure of restaurants at the state capitol before finding out that they had been reopened for several days. “It’s annoying, you make all these signs that demand an end to our governor’s despotism and attacks on our liberty, but then it turns out the gyms are open again, and you have to throw out a whole batch of signs. I can barely keep track of what I’m supposed to yell at the grocery store cashier—I know they’re taking away some of my freedoms, but they keep changing which ones. Obviously the science around this whole thing is a crock, but they can’t even seem to settle on which things they’re actually going to pretend cause coronavirus. First they said no masks, then masks, then inside was okay, then inside was bad again, then we could see people, then we couldn’t—I wish they would make up their goddamn minds so we knew what in the hell we were denying.” At press time, the local Covid denier was deleting the draft of a long screed criticizing the government for giving away another round of free stimulus handouts after realizing that the government would never do it.