Congress Passes $33 Billion Bill To Send War-Torn Ukraine Free Community College

WASHINGTON—In response to continued Russian aggression in Eastern Europe, Congress unanimously passed a $33 billion bill to send war-torn Ukraine free community college. “As Putin’s forces encircle the Donbas region, this free community college tuition will be vital to preparing the Ukrainians for the economy of tomorrow,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, explaining that the program would mobilize tens of thousands of university administrators, professors, and tutors across the former Soviet state in a unified, well-compensated central agency. “Time is of the essence if Ukrainian fighters want any chance of attaining the skills necessary to compete in a globalized job market. Without a pathway to eventually securing a four-year degree, the future of Ukraine will be lost. But rest assured, we will spare no expense to make sure that doesn’t happen. The greatest weapon against tyranny is the power of knowledge.” At press time, Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky was profusely thanking the United States for helping to expand the job shadowing program.