College Valedictorian Thought Offers To Be Professional Valedictorian Would Come Rolling In After Graduation

MUNCIE, IN—Beginning to regret his decision to pursue that particular field, Ball State University valedictorian Zach Arizmendi told reporters Monday that he thought offers to be a professional valedictorian would come rolling in after graduation. “Considering how many people heard me speak, I thought some companies would want to snatch me up right away, but so far, I haven’t heard a peep,” said Arizmendi, adding that when he was a freshman, he figured that valedictorian was a safe career path that would be in high demand when he graduated, but because of the lack of offers, now he wasn’t so sure. “I kind of put all my eggs in one basket when I decided to get into delivering farewell addresses to graduates that highlight our achievements and provide inspiration for the future professionally. I guess I could temp or do some lower-level contract work reflecting on the last few years at an institution of higher education, but I really need a more stable farewell address position that comes with health insurance.” At press time, Arizmendi was furious when he heard that this year’s salutatorian had already been hired by one of the best salutatory companies in the country.