College Sports Cutbacks

As the economy founders, we look at some of the ways the athletic departments of our nation’s universities are tightening their belts:

Fresno State: Even the 2008 College World Series champs will be forced to play the entire season with only two bases

Boston University: Financially stable after receiving the vast riches that come with winning the NCAA Hockey Championship

Ohio State: After outstanding plays, Buckeyes football players will now receive Chiquita banana stickers for their helmets

USC: Women’s gymnastics canceled following 77 percent rise in cost of scrunchies

Virginia: The JumboTron at Scott Stadium is being downgraded in size and pixel quality to a RegularTron

Michigan: Should be $11.5 billion in the black after next month’s “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is” alumni festival

Wisconsin: Beloved mascot Bucky Badger must suffer through yet another year without pants

UNC: Selling off Tyler Hansbrough for parts




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper