College Basketball Warns People Not To Get Excited About It Yet

INDIANAPOLIS—Admitting it is “enormously worried” some people are taking an interest in its emerging storylines this early in the season, the sport of college basketball made a statement Saturday urging fans and the media to ignore it until it is time to get excited. “If you try to pay attention to me right now, I’m just going to seem like a mess. You should be invested in the NFL playoffs right now. That’s what they’re there for,” said the collegiate sport, known for delivering riveting, emotional March tournament games to viewers who have only recently remembered it exists. “If you start to become attached to a team I’m setting up for a startling upset in the first round of my tournament, you will have nobody to blame but yourself.” College basketball went on to remind fans it puts a great deal of work into making each season dramatically satisfying, unlike college football, which just hands its championship to whichever school’s boosters give it the most money that year.