City’s Little Italy Now Down To Single Meatball

CHICAGO—Reflecting on the once-bustling neighborhood that had been significantly reduced over the years, local residents confirmed Thursday that all that now remained of the city’s Little Italy was a single meatball. “Back when I was growing up, the area stretched for a few blocks at least, and there were dozens of businesses, but now you’d barely know it ever existed except for that ball of beef and pork,” said resident Alice Rosenthal, 65, recalling that increased development had forced the beleaguered district to shutter the red-and-white tablecloth and salt and pepper shakers as recently as 2002. “It’s always sad to see these landmarks disappear, but I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that it’s expertly seasoned with breadcrumbs and Parmesan. Plus, it’s a pretty big meatball, so that’s nice.” At press time, the Little Italy neighborhood had been further reduced to a marinara smear and a single sprig of parsley.