Cinerama Blames Closure On More Viewers Choosing To Watch Movies From Own Geodesic Domes

LOS ANGELES—In a statement touching on the rapidly changing realities of the industry landscape, theater chain Cinerama blamed its impending closure this week on more viewers choosing to watch movies from their own geodesic dome. “It’s a sad day, but ultimately many of our customers have decided that they could get the same experience screening a blockbuster in the comfort of their own concrete geodesic dome,” read a press release from Pacific Theaters president Peter Grouse, adding that the chain of 200 movie theaters simply could not keep up with the rapid proliferation of personal geodesic-dome-movie-viewing technologies. “Back in the ’60s, it was rare to find a single household that could afford even a small geodesic movie theater attached to their nook or living room, let alone one that could rival Cinerama for the sheer number of hexagons and pentagons it incorporated into its design. Now though? Most houses have at least two geodesic domes—the kids are watching Pixar films in their bedroom geodesic dome, while mom and dad are watching the latest Oscar contenders in their own. How are we supposed to compete with that?” Grouse concluded that he should have seen the writing on the wall decades ago when he saw the number of his neighbors with geodesic domes adorned with life-sized Shrek, Spider-Man, and Minion statues.