With news spreading that pop star Taylor Swift is dating Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, The Onion asked Chiefs fans what they thought about the power couple, and this is what they said.
David Lee, Doctor
“He will be dead within three to four months.”
Michael Rodriguez, Software Developer
“They’re such a bad match. Her receiving yards are paltry.”
Chuck Werninger, Electrician
“You have to be careful when you’re a professional athlete. Successful and famous women are always trying to trap you in loving relationships.”
Emma Kelce, Homemaker
“Huh, this is big news to me, Travis Kelce’s wife of seven years.”
Mina Early, Bookkeeper
“Oh, I just love PR stunts!”
Damian Walker, Real Estate Agent
“I just hope she doesn’t distract him too much from his podcast.”
Linda Adams, Administrative Assistant
“Awwww, they’re going to make some very bland babies together.”
Mitchell Busby, Stock Clerk
“I think it’s pretty neat that more Swifties will learn about the ravages of CTE and how the NFL protects sexual abusers.”
Alissa Weber, Hotel Manager
“Wait, she and John Mayer broke up?!”
Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs Quarterback
“They really need to stop asking me to do a threesome with them.”
John Gassner, Air Traffic Controller
“I do not care. Go Chiefs!”
Karen Kelce, Real Estate Agent
“I try not to get too involved in the personal lives of pop stars who are dating my nephew.”
Andy Peterson, Student
“Before she’s inevitably disappointed, she should know going in that those aren’t his real shoulders.”
Ryan Fenster, Janitor
“It’s pretty cool having Taylor as a Chiefs fan. She was at the tailgate last Sunday and dove off a table into a pile of empty Coors Light cans.”
Ashley Barker, Financial Analyst
“If it doesn’t work out, I’m sure they can negotiate a trade.”
Roy Booker, Roofer
“I think it’s part of a viral brand-sponsorship thing for The General.”
Andy Reid, Chiefs Head Coach
“Not enough meat on her bones.”
Donna Kelce, Retired
“I wish he was with Carly Rae Jepsen. Now she has talent.”
Rick Harley, Sales Manager
“Looks like someone is trying to get back at Jon Gruden after he dumped her.”
Phyllis Wright, Nanny
“Big deal. Every Chiefs fan has dated Travis Kelce.”
Kim Newell, Digital Marketer
“Travis is going to be so heartbroken when he realizes she’s only using him to get close to KC Wolf.”
Rhett Gregory, Cashier
“I have been doing the tomahawk chop to ‘Folklore’ ever since I heard the news.”
