Like most Americans, celebrity couples enjoy going out to eat or buying flowers around this time of year. How are Hollywood sweethearts celebrating Valentine’s Day?
Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet: Going to see The Reader, whooping whenever Winslet appears naked
Seal and Heidi Klum: Dinner at the Olive Garden, followed by a trip to the mall, so Klum can finally spend her $50 Victoria’s Secret gift certificate, then on to a room at a nearby Best Western, where the pair will have awkward sex
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman: Hot, nasty, animalistic fucking
Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox: Watching DVDs of Beverly Hills 90210 as a notoriously jealous Austin Green forces Fox to make out with him during every scene involving Dylan
Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart: One kiss at 6:30 p.m.
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw: Red cowboy hats
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins: Rediscovering their love for each other by discussing the Horn of Africa’s female genital mutilation pandemic over a candlelight dinner
Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn: Not sure, but it smells like burning tires
Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood: Oh, dear god, please, let it be a quiet night at home
