As John Madden walks off into football history, we look at the moments that made him a legend:
1936: Mary Margaret Madden feels what she believes is her child kicking, but is in actuality her unborn son John eating his twin brother
1958: Is drafted by the Eagles, but spends too much time talking about their “smashmouth style of old-school football that really shows what the NFL is all about” to get much better at playing
1970s: Apparently coached football somewhere around this time period
1979: Madden develops a fear of flying when he asks a flight attendant what would happen if the airplane crashed, to which she responds, “We would almost certainly die”
1987: Has sex for the first time
1998: Announces 16 regular season games and entire NFC playoffs with several bratwurst stuck in his esophagus
2003: While no one is looking, tries stuffing a turducken into a cow
2009: Realizes the game has finally passed him by upon seeing Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Holmes celebrate their Super Bowl victory by making out a little bit
