CDC Urges Americans To Just Say No If Friend Offers Them Coronavirus

ATLANTA—In an effort to stop the spread of the potentially lethal pathogen, the Centers for Disease Control held a press conference Monday to urge Americans to just say “No” if a friend offers them the coronavirus. “While it may seem cool to be seen around the park or the mall with a runny nose and hacking cough, there are very real negative side effects to experimenting with this virus,” said Satish Pillai, a medical officer in the Division of Preparedness and Emerging Infections, asking the assembled reporters to remember that the most deadly disease vector of all is peer pressure. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘I’ll just get a couple of respiratory infections at a party. I can stop anytime I want.’ But it’s not that simple, and soon the virus has you in its seductive grip. So, if you see someone collapsing from a fever, just tell them, ‘No thanks, I don’t need an infectious agent to have fun.’” Pillai added that if you feel you absolutely must try the coronavirus, be sure to contract it from someone you know and trust as it may turn out to be something more lethal, such as Avian Flu or SARS.