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CDC Finds STDs At All-Time High

A new CDC report found that combined incidences of syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia in the U.S. reached an all-time high in the last year with more than 2.4 million cases. What do you think?

Douglas Lake • Webinar Appraiser

“Well, at least people are fucking. That’s good, right?”

Douglas Lake • Webinar Appraiser

Clara Weaver • Candy Coater

“Don’t look at me. I haven’t reported a single one of my STDs.”

Clara Weaver • Candy Coater

Shane Bass • Motivational Speaker

“The CDC should really mind its own goddamn business.”

Shane Bass • Motivational Speaker




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper