The close Pennsylvania Senate race between John Fetterman and Mehmet Oz could decide which party controls the upper chamber of Congress after the midterms. The Onion looks at the backgrounds of Fetterman and Oz, as well as where both stand on key issues.
BACKGROUNDFetterman: Gritty streets of HarvardOz: Chief of vitamin surgery
HORRIBLE PHENOMENON RESPONSIBLE FOR POLITICAL CAREER Fetterman: Decline of Rust Belt Oz: Oprah
ABORTIONFetterman: Between a woman and her doctor Oz: You better hope he’s not the doctor
FRACKING Fetterman: Opposes fracking except in cases of capitulating to oil interests Oz: You can lose 10 pounds in just a week drinking nothing but gasoline
FAVORED PLURAL FORM OF “YOU” Fetterman: “Yinz” Oz: “You people”
GUNSFetterman: Whoa, buddy, slow down there, where you going with that? Oz: Fire away!
SEX APPEALFetterman: Hard 10 for those into pro-wrestler types Oz: Could totally clean up with 50- to 70-year-old aunts
HOODIESFetterman: Will be buried in one if he can help itOz: Owns world’s only three-piece hoodie
MARIJUANA Fetterman: Knows a guyOz: Too dangerous to sell for any less than five easy payments of $19.99
ECONOMY Fetterman: More shitty products should be made here in AmericaOz: Blames Biden for the rising cost of lab puppies
