Bullshit Antique China Doesn’t Even Say If It Microwave Safe

LONDONDERRY, NH—Leaving its hungry owner completely in the lurch, a piece of bullshit antique china didn’t even say if it was microwave safe, sources confirmed Wednesday. “What the fuck? Will this old-ass piece of shit break in the microwave or not?” said antique china set owner Alex Carson, adding that he didn’t want to move the mac and cheese leftovers into another bowl and get it dirty unless he absolutely had to, but the “piece of fucking garbage” Grandma made him take didn’t clarify whether it could be put in the microwave. “I looked all over this thing and there’s just nothing, I’m totally in the dark here. I guess back in 1883 or whatever they couldn’t be fucking bothered to simply write whether this bowl was microwave safe on the bottom. Maybe it rubbed off, although you think if that happened Grandma would have left some kind of instructions. What material even is china? Why do we even hang on this fucking shit?” At press time, a loud cracking sound could be heard coming from the man’s microwave.