Bug Crawling On Ceiling Must Be Possessed By Demon

NEW ORLEANS—Freezing in horror at the unnatural movement of the creature cloaked in darkness, local man Nick Harris reported Wednesday that the bug crawling upside-down on his ceiling must be possessed by a demon. “How—how is it doing that if not controlled by some evil, other-worldly force?” said a cowering Harris, watching in horror as the reportedly possessed insect skittered erratically above his bed, presumably straight from the confines of hell, as it openly flouted the laws of gravity. “Such unnatural, creepy movements—no earthly being should bend that way, unless it’s answering to an unseen force, dark and aberrant. And that unholy sound it’s making, that’s no language I’ve ever heard. Behind this poor insect’s face lie the jet-black eyes of Beezlebub, come to collect my soul, no doubt. Be gone, demon! Leave that poor, multi-legged, child of God alone!” At press time, Harris was seen looking up the property records of his home for any sign that it might be cursed after a second bug was seen hovering outside his second-floor window.