Breast Reduction Surgeon Freaking Out After Misplacing Patient’s Nipples

NEW YORK—Visibly panicked as he scanned the operating room in vain, Dr. Edward Gallano, a plastic surgeon at New York­–Presbyterian Hospital, was reportedly freaking the hell out Friday after misplacing his patient’s nipples during a routine breast reduction surgery. “Dammit, they were right here a second ago,” said Gallano, who patted down his empty pockets before crawling under the operating table to see if the nipples had fallen down there, and then checked the bottoms of his shoes in case he had accidentally stepped on them. “I’m so fucked. I’ve looked in all the trays and behind all these machines, and I can’t find them anywhere. I swear to God, if one of the nurses made off with them, they’re going to be in big trouble. Shit! Well, maybe she won’t notice.” At press time, sources confirmed Gallano was wiping the dirt off the nipples, which he had found in the trash can after realizing he accidentally threw them away.