Botched Autopsy Brings Murder Victim Back To Life

SANTA MARIA, CA—Leaving local community members shocked and heartbroken, a botched autopsy performed at Marian Regional Medical Center Wednesday had reportedly brought a murder victim back to life. “I realized his heart had started beating, and I knew I had made a terrible mistake,” said pathologist Dr. Kenneth Lepp, who expressed deep remorse as he described how the routine autopsy had gone completely off the rails. “I failed, and I acknowledge that it’s my fault this person is alive. I’m so sorry. I promise I did everything I could to stop it. I tried to reduce his oxygen levels, drain his blood, cut off his head—but nothing worked. I accept the fact this will probably cost me my license. And, of course, eventually I’ll have to face the patient’s family. I know they’re furious.” At press time, Dr. Lepp had added that although he wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, he vowed he would do everything in his power to make sure it never happened again.