Boss’s Sexual Harassment A Lot More Cautious Lately

MEMPHIS, TN—Noticing a marked difference in the way he conducts himself in the workplace, sources reported Monday that local boss Eric Reinhardt’s sexual harassment has been a lot more cautious lately. “It definitely seems like he’s been far more careful with all of his inappropriate sexual behavior around the office,” said employee Yvette Coleman, explaining, for example, that Reinhardt has cut down on brazenly groping her in favor of simply letting his fingers discreetly brush up against her in the hallway or the elevator. “He used to corner me in the break room and straight-up ask me how often I masturbated. Now he’ll just smirk and ask me if I’m willing to go ‘the extra mile’ for a promotion or leer at me from a short distance and mutter something unintelligible but obviously filthy under his breath. Oh yeah, this guy’s scared, no question.” At press time, Reinhardt stopped himself before texting a picture of his penis to his assistant, instead taking the precaution of printing it out and showing it to her in person.