Blood-Covered Mark Zuckerberg Informed That Murder He Just Committed Was Not In Metaverse

MENLO PARK, CA—As he argued that he of all people should know the difference between the real and virtual worlds, a blood-covered Mark Zuckerberg was reportedly informed Friday that the murder he had just committed was not in the metaverse. “Yeah, right, there’s no way that guy I just killed was real—we’re in the middle of a virtual meeting,” said the Meta CEO, who, after adding that he understood why everyone might be confused, picked up a knife, plunged it into the neck of another employee, and triumphantly exclaimed, “See, it’s fine!” “Relax, everyone. That was just an avatar. In just a few minutes, I’ll take off my Quest headset and everything will be back to normal. In the metaverse, I can cut myself and I won’t feel any pain. Watch!” At press time, Zuckerberg was spotted frantically putting a VR headset onto the corpse and trying to upload it to the company’s servers.