As the House committee on the Jan. 6 insurrection continues its public hearings, Republicans are scrambling to shift the blame away from themselves. Here are the biggest talking points the GOP is using to downplay the Capitol riots.
“Come on, it was just the one Capitol.”
Not like Congress was being ransacked all over the country.
“These were 2,500 lone wolves.”
The politicians on the right truly believe the highly coordinated effort was just the classic case of 2,500 lone wolves with an agenda.
“They were actually chanting ‘Hang my pants!’”
Republicans want to remind you that these insurrectionists had no intention of harming Mike Pence and were simply looking for a hanger with which to air-dry their wet clothes.
“It was during designated rioting hours.”
The mob made sure they stormed the Capitol only when destruction was specifically permitted.
“No nuclear weapons were used.”
Just think of what the Capitol would’ve looked like if so-called rioters dropped a bomb as powerful as a million tons of TNT.
“Not a single kid got shot at the Capitol on Jan. 6, so it’s hardly the worst thing we’re complicit in.”
They might actually have a point there.
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It was only Biden.”
It’s not like they tried to stop a presidency people were excited about.
“This was nothing more than a couple thousand eighth-graders on their Washington, D.C. field trip.”
Blaming the insurrection on a bunch of 13-year-olds visiting the monuments is a risky move the Republicans are willing to take.
“The date Jan. 6, 2021, will never occur again.”
This is a pretty factually sound argument.
“It was all orchestrated by the Democrats.”
This is immediately undermined by the Democrats’ complete inability to orchestrate anything.
“Jan. 6 is a distant and irrelevant memory made up of unintelligible shapes for millions of Americans who are still struggling to learn object permanence.”
Many aren’t even able to stand on their own two feet.
“I don’t have ‘Incite an insurrection’ written in my calendar for Jan. 6, 2021, so it must not have happened.”
If it’s not on the calendar, it’s impossible to prove.
“If it was really such a bad day, how come so many members of Congress are still alive?”
Even all of the really, really old senators survived.
“It was faked in the same studio as the moon landing.”
CGI technology really is incredible.
“The Capitol building is ugly, anyway.”
That neoclassical eyesore has been begging for vandalism for centuries.
“Insurrection is the only reasonable response when you consider these people were really, really mad.”
Makes a lot of sense when you look at it from their point of view.
“There are 30 other days in January no one is willing to talk about.”
Democrats are willfully ignoring the real issue, which is that January has 30 days besides Jan. 6.
“We never would have known how ill-prepared we are for a coup if those protestors hadn’t almost pulled one off.”
Really, we should be grateful they pointed out some vulnerabilities in our system.
“How were people supposed to know that was the Capitol building?”
In their defense, every building in this dumb city is made out of white stone.
“I am about to make a bad faith argument.”
Whoops. Politicians usually just think this one.
“Two words: Nancy Pelosi.”
Succinct, but 100% to the point.
“If you thought Jan. 6 was bad, just wait until Donald Trump becomes president again.”
It’s true, whatever is still to come will certainly be much worse and more worthy of criminal prosecution.
“Pass.”
Can’t argue with that!
