Many people report feelings of depression after the holidays. Here are some ways you can relieve the seasonal doldrums:
■ Coptic and Greek Orthodox Christians celebrate most holidays days or weeks later. Try temporarily converting to extend your holiday mood.
■ Get a full-spectrum light and keep it in your closet. The fact that you know it’s there and can be taken out at any time should be enough to cheer you up.
■ You may have thrown out your tree, but you can still pile your ornaments on the couch and celebrate all over again with a Christmas Cushion!
■ Do not read The Road.
■ Many department stores have old men who will let you sit on their laps year-round. Best of all, it’s free!
■ Give yourself one more present by ordering a pizza, shaking it next to your ear, and then opening it while sitting cross-legged on the floor.
■ Why are you trying not to be depressed? Frankly, you’re more enjoyable to be around when you’re sad.
■ Don’t forget that no matter how fat you are now, at least one person in the world is fatter. Gross.
■ Consider the number of shitty presents you received. Remind yourself you don’t give shitty presents. Now, pat yourself on your superior back!
■ Every office has that one person whom nothing seems to get to. Punch that person in the face.
■ Compared to your everyday blahs, the post-holiday blahs may not be that bad.
■ Induce coma and get woken up on Mar. 20.
