The Giants let Barry Bonds go after last season, and the home-run record holder is still on the free-agent market. Onion Sports lists the most likely places for Bonds to end up:
Expos: Signing Bonds might be their last chance to get back into the MLB
Mariners: Team in dire need of someone who can do that thing where they take a bat and then make the ball go really far away
Phillies: In need of a player to be in pictures while standing back-to-back with Ryan Howard
Tigers: Lineup has a hole between the third and fourth batters
Rangers: Always looking for pitching—any pitching, from anyone
Diamondbacks: Young team needs someone over 40 to keep Randy Johnson company
Barnum & Bailey Circus: People would pay good money to watch Bonds try to hit a baseball thrown by an elephant
Giants: Desperately need a hitter like Barry Bonds following the departure of Barry Bonds
Reds: Have a bunch of size 11Ω caps that are basically going to waste
