Baby, my world has been so cold since you left me standing there in the rain. You were everything to me, girl. I still can’t believe that you left me. I was your man. I was real with you.
Damn.
Girl, ever since you walked out that door, I lie awake at night in my large, circular canopy bed. And every night, I pick up the phone and dial your number. But you never answer.
Sometimes I cry out, “Baby, please pick up that phone,” in the hopes that you will hear me and pick up the phone. But since you still have not picked up the phone, I have decided to write to you in my newspaper column. Surely, this will reach your heart.
All I want to say to you is, baby, I’m sorry. Smoove B never meant to do you like that. You were the only woman who made a difference in my world. You were my one true girl.
If you would just pick up that phone, I know I could make everything all right. I would remind you that Smoove B can keep you satisfied all through the night. I can be the man of your dreams, if you would only come back and give me the chance.
If you take me back, I swear I would be the best lover you have ever had. I can take you to the next level.
I would take you to the finest hotel in the city and order room service for us. We would dine on the finest crab and a side order of carrots, or some such vegetable, cooked to perfection. We would feed each other in the most romantic fashion. We would eat ice cream topped with hot fudge, and perhaps sprinkles.
In addition, we would laugh and have tender moments together.
After eating, I would massage you with scented oils from the Orient. I would reduce your beautiful body to jelly. You would be so relaxed that nothing else would matter except you and me, and the love we share. And we would ride together on a caravan of love all night long.
Did I mention that we would be listening to Jodeci on the CD player? We would be. I guarantee it.
You are my sugar, woman. Climb up on my saddle, and give it to me good. Ride my pony until you can’t ride no more.
Girl, if you would just pick up the phone and give me the chance to express to you how I feel, I know you would come back into my life. I would tell you that you are more important to me than the stars in the sky. You would not believe the places I would touch you if you would just be my girl once more.
Aw, baby, I’m down on my knees. Please come back to me. Come back to me so that I can make you the happiest woman in the entire world.
If you just pick up the phone, I would tell you that I want to give you nothing but pleasure all through the night. I would take you to a level you have never been to before—not with any man, not even with Darnell.
I will loan you money also, if you need any.
I want to be your man. Answer the phone, and I will prove my love for you.
Let me freak you.
Smoove B resides in the city of Cincinnati, OH, in a 10th-floor penthouse. He is a regular guest contributor at the Cincinnati Learning Annex, where he teaches the popular six-week course, “The Fundamentals Of Relationship Communication.” From 1998–2001, he wrote, produced, and starred in a semi-regular cable-access cooking show that focused on breakfast.
