AUSTIN, TX—Saying it certainly wasn’t a big enough deal to make him stop walking and address the issue, local man Brendan Potts told reporters Friday there was absolutely no way he was going to tie his shoe when he was just four blocks away from his destination. “Not a chance in hell I’m going to go to all the trouble of pausing in the middle of the sidewalk, bending over, and spending six whole seconds knotting these laces when I’ll just be sitting down in a little bit,” said Potts as his dangling shoelaces trailed along the ground behind him and his shoe became progressively looser on his foot. “I can deal with it once I get to the restaurant. As long as there aren’t any stairs or grating along the way, I should be fine.” As of press time, Potts had reportedly postponed the retying of his sneaker indefinitely to avoid having to touch his puddle-dampened shoelaces.
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