Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled Apple’s new tablet computer, the iPad, during a presentation in San Francisco last week. Here are some of its features:
Awkward name enables Twitter users to make the same joke over and over and over again
Super slick design makes it impossible to hold, pick up, or stop from sliding down the street
Softly whimpers if left alone for too long
Maureen Dowd New York Times column generator
Photo album of the Jobs family summer vacation in Aruba
Free pair of black-rimmed glasses, turtleneck, and position at New York City architecture firm
Can withstand breezes up to 3 mph
To ensure that its users receive the constant public attention they crave, the iPad will emit the phrase “Hey, does that guy have an iPad?” every eight minutes
