Apologetic City Officials Admit Expressway Median Wasn’t Best Location For Off-Leash Dog Park

TRENTON, NJ—Acknowledging that a place in a residential zone might have been a better option, Trenton mayor Reed Gusciora admitted in a press conference Thursday that the expressway median wasn’t the best location for an off-leash dog park. “In hindsight, the decision to place a park for dogs to run around unrestrained in the area between the north- and southbound lanes of the New Jersey Turnpike was misguided,” said Mayor Gusciora, adding that if he had to do it all over again, he probably would have at least chosen a spot where the park wasn’t situated between six lanes of traffic traveling at more than 65 miles per hour. “I have heard concerns from constituents, and I now see the shortsightedness of having no other way to access the new dog park but to walk up an on-ramp and cross the busy expressway dodging cars on foot. Of course, now the danger seems very obvious, and for those who have lost dogs or other loved ones in oncoming traffic, we sincerely apologize, at the very least, for not installing a fence.” At press time, Gusciora announced that the expressway median would be repurposed as a new community playground.