With new anti-bacterial products hitting the stores every day, millions of Americans are waging a war on germs. Here are some ways you can reduce your risk of exposure to dangerous bacteria:
Soak all toilet tissue in bleach before applying to anus
Start up a neighborhood “germ-watch”
Blow nose into vacuum-sealed cylinder for later disposal in heart of sun
Add “just a touch” of Lysol® to morning coffee
Study TV ads carefully for information on possible locations of hidden household germs
Incinerate clothes after wearing
Cover body with linoleum, wipe down four times daily with Formula 409® Anti-Bacterial Cleanser
Move to germ-free gated community
Soak babies in detergent when not in use
Let germs know how bad they make you feel
Swab all meat with surgical scrub before eating
Boil everything: plates, silverware, drapes, sofa, CDs
Use bleach to wipe down exposed surfaces of house guests
Limit contact with carbon-based life
