Ravens Wide Receiver
Strength: Never shatters Joe Flacco’s confidence by telling him what he actually thinks; Great guy to have in the locker room if you need to borrow shampoo or cologne; Gets separation from speedy defensive backs by running very slowly; Can catch wobbly, piece of shit that Flacco calls a fucking pass
Weakness: Steady and dependable job performance makes him unrelatable to most of U.S. populace; Excels at getting tackled after the catch; Gets so excited about routes he shouts them out loud
40-Yard-Dash: Doesn’t have anything to prove to you
Most Comparable Receiver: One-half of 2005 Anquan Boldin
Skill: Excellent vertical leap while jumping up and down to cheer on Ravens defense; Great at picking up a few extra compliments after spectacular catches
Background: Played football in high school, college, and NFL
