Following the recent tragedy in which a Chinese ride called Space Journey malfunctioned and killed six people, many carnival rides are being more carefully inspected. Here are the reasons some of our favorites are being closed:
Accidentally shaped like giant penis
Wasn’t bringing in the chumps like it used to
A few cats living in the gears, so what?
Contained too many racist depictions of the Chinese
Exceeded regulatory limit on miscarriages per hundred rides
Centripetal force exceeded tensile strength
Only guy who knew how to set it up choked on hot dog
Some kid barfed and the barf flew back and hit another kid in the face and he choked on it and died, so we heard
