Though he has distanced himself from former Vice President Mike Pence, Donald Trump has yet to announce a running mate for the 2024 election. The Onion asked Americans why former Fox News host Tucker Carlson should be on the ticket with Trump, and this is what they said.
Tanya Hunter, Pet Groomer
“Hold on, do we even know where Tucker stands on Trump?”
Kyle Lamming, Researcher
“The only way to take away Tucker Carlson’s power is to make him VP.”
Randy McCarron, Web Developer
“They’re an organ match.”
Ron Ibanez, Engineer
“I think he’s ruined enough minds to at least earn serious consideration.”
Fred Symons, Fireman
“I think Carlson privately said he hated Trump, so it would be a familiar dynamic for the president and his VP.”
Walter Berry, Marketing Manager
“He’s serious about cracking down on the struggling families that plague our nation.”
John Weil, Consultant
“He has the unbeatable combination of Ted Cruz’s charisma and Steve Bannon’s good looks!”
Tatiana Roberts, Attorney
“I just like seeing white men getting rewarded with positions of power.”
Matthew Shelton, Carpenter
“They’re the only two people I can name other than my buddy Jason.”
Henry Laud, Barber
“America has always belonged to the men with odd hair.”
Matt Jones, Accountant
“It’s time for America to hear Tucker Carlson’s political opinion for the very first time.”
Katie Unger, Marketing Executive
“He’s got that giant square head I really like my leaders to have.”
Darcy Waverly, Copywriter
“Our country would get so many viewers.”
Norman Roderick, Woodworker
“I think he’d be great, but it’s purely academic until Mike Pence declines.”
Phillip Stutz, Trucker
“Tucker is really close to the word trucker. Which is familiar to me.”
Kid Rock, Musician
“He’s no Ted Nugent, but he’ll do.”
