As President Obama visits Cuba in an effort to restore diplomatic ties with the U.S., The Onion looks at pivotal moments in the tension-filled history of U.S.–Cuba relations.
April 1898: President William McKinley sends emissaries to Cuba as part of a whirlwind six-country hostile takeover tour
June 1960: U.S. aircraft airlift 10,000 tons of sugar out of Cuba
April 1961: The Bay of Pigs invasion is the first of several successful U.S. attempts to strengthen Fidel Castro’s power
October 1962: After an extremely close call, climate change begins to overtake nuclear war as the likeliest cause of mass human extinction
November 1963: CIA surprised after abandoned idea for Fidel Castro assassination attempt works on JFK on the first try
July 1969: CIA agent Neil Armstrong fails in a secret plot to assassinate Fidel Castro after missile fired from Apollo 11 burns up during entry into atmosphere
January 1974: Couple extra sanctions thrown in
1993-1998: U.S., Cuba kind of forget about each other
December 2003: First annual Camp X-Ray Holiday Show
July 2014: Former Cuban refugee Elian Gonzalez wakes up from nightmare where he’s drowning again
March 2016: Obama eases tensions between the two countries by buying Raul Castro an ice cream helmet during game between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cuban national baseball team
November 2081: Fidel Castro dies
