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A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:


Some of the poor ones probably remember using a Walkman


Most were only able to smoke in bars and restaurants until the age of 5


Just barely able to remember the Cavalese cable car disaster that shook the city of Trento, Italy


Spent the last year of high school absolutely whaling on the class of 2023


The majority were conceived during The Offspring’s Ixnay On The Hombre tour


Don’t know what a CD binder is, but who cares


For them, 9/11 was 15 years ago


Actually, Matt Damon is just as bankable now as he was when they were born, which is really a testament to a certain film-star quality than cannot be simply manufactured, but must be searched for, gently refined, and then allowed to breathe on its own


Most likely won’t actually graduate college until 2022


Will always be younger and more vital than you




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper