Sen. E’eek Finback (D-AO) has already emerged as a frontrunner for the 2057 Democratic presidential nomination, but some say America isn’t ready for a female dolphin in the White House. What do you think?
“I have nothing but respect for members of the Delphinidae family, but a female dolphin’s place is in the sea, raising her calves.”
Jim Hansen Prime • Meta-metallurgist
“Sen. Finback has nothing new to add to the national discourse. Frankly, she’s just blowing hot air and saltwater mist.”
Sol Gundam • Gay-Divorce Lawyer
“Well, former president Koko has already signed off on her, saying, ’Dolphin yes woman good give banana now dolphin yes.’”
Edwin Gaines • Syndicator
“Do you think E’eek would be doing so well if she were a squat-bodied Pacific white-side dolphin instead of a cute bottlenose? I seriously doubt it.”
Tammy Lester • DNA Archivist
“I find her background inspiring. Do you know she was caught in a tuna net at the age of six months, only to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard Law School 12 years later?”
Jim Hansen II • Hypermarketer
“Tk-tkk-tk-tkik-tik! USA! USA! USA! Tk-tik-tkkk!”
P. Wiggles • Systems Analyst
