While no one cares about your naked body, hundreds of millions of people routinely pay to watch films with celebrities in the buff. The Onion asked celebrities what they regretted the most about filming nude scenes, and this is what they said.
Viggo Mortensen
“I wish someone had told me not to eat an entire spiral ham minutes before.”
Diane Keaton
“I had my clothes permanently grafted to my body in the 1980s, so getting them removed was incredibly painful.”
Paul Rudd
“Next time I’ll definitely double-check that there’s a director, lighting, sound department, and camera.”
Scarlett Johansson
“I probably would’ve been more comfortable if my husband had been on set, watching and jerking off.”
Amanda Seyfried
“I’m deeply ashamed that I made money from my nude body rather than having it leaked on the internet for free.”
Margot Robbie
“I just wish they’d shown all eight of my nipples.”
Terry Bradshaw
“It felt like a cheap stunt that really distracted from the beautiful message of responsibility at the heart of Failure To Launch.”
Michael Fassbender
“I’ll never live down being an incredibly handsome and talented man with a huge penis.”
Ewan McGregor
“I wish I could’ve shown my butthole too.”
Chris Pine
“I’ve been wearing the same diaper since I was 3 years old and forgot to take it off before filming. It was very embarrassing.”
Jennifer Lawrence
“I had to explain to the world why I have the Subway logo shaved into my pubes.”
Kate Winslet
“In some ways, my nude scene in Titanic is responsible for the OceanGate disaster.”
Léa Seydoux
“You do one little 10-minute fully nude lesbian sex scene, and suddenly that’s all anyone wants to talk about.”
Matthew Rhys
“I didn’t realize they would provide prosthetic penises. I wasted so much time making my own.”
Denzel Washington
“Portraying Malcolm X in the nude for the entirety of his life story now strikes me as historically inaccurate.”
Harvey Keitel
“My only regret is that I have made several movies in which my penis was not visible.”
Christian Bale
“The camera adds 10 pounds to your balls.”
