Sackler Family Feels Full Impact Of Opioid Epidemic After Seeing Spot On Tarmac Where Private Jet Used To Be

BOCA RATON—Taking in the irrevocable loss that $4 billion in settlements had left, the Sackler family reportedly began to feel the full impact of the opioid epidemic Wednesday after seeing the spot on the tarmac where their private jet used to be. “It’s just not fair to have something so precious taken from us so unexpectedly,” said David Sackler, holding his wife and children tightly as they looked away from the empty lot that was too harrowing a sight to bear. “Only a few months ago, we were all so happy, zipping through the sky without a care in the world, and then suddenly—boom—our Learjet is gone, just gone, leaving nothing but a hole in our asset sheet where it once was.” At press time, a sobbing David Sackler resolved to do whatever he could to make sure no one would ever, ever take away his family’s helicopter, yacht, or ski chalets.