This is Petey, a 6-year-old chocolate lab. One look at this adorable sweetheart and you’ll immediately whip open Chrome and Google “maximum prison penalty for having sex w/ dog.”
Meet Max. This special pooch is a Bernese mountain dog, with a coat of fur that is so soft and gorgeous, you’ll reference multiple online legal sources to figure out whether bestiality is punishable in your state by actual prison time or just a fine.
Beep boop! Say hello to Mr. Schnauzer. He’s got a beard so cute it’ll make you want to pore over public criminal records to see if keeping things to just mouth stuff might carry lesser sentencing.
What’s that, girl? You’re telling them that if they scroll through the results of “animals intelligent enough to consent?” for long enough, they’re bound to find the answer they want?
Just look at those eyes. Hopefully, those big, adorable husky baby blues aren’t the last thing you see when the authorities bust down your door and hold a folder of evidence in your face labeled “zoophile inquiry.”
It’s puppy love! Maybe if you behave, this duo of doggos will let you watch, which according to that one message board, is natural and fine, and technically speaking, cannot be used against you in a court of law.
Okay. Frankly, this is starting to get a little concerning. Sally the Pomeranian here is adorable and all, but maybe it’s time to Google “bestiality arrest videos, violent” so you don’t get too comfortable with this sort of thing.
This silly shiba inu, Brandy, has a big floofy tail that stays upturned like that all the time! But that wouldn’t be the reason you’re looking up “can a dog be asking for it” in another tab now, would it?
Oh mama, this good girl golden retriever is extremely pregnant. Before we declare this a full-on Dog MILF Alert, let’s pop open an incognito window to double check that “can human get dog pregnant?” search again.
Four words: Clear search history now. Based on that Wikipedia article you just bookmarked on states with more lenient zoophilia laws and those cheap, dog-friendly hotels you looked up in West Virginia, the authorities are probably already monitoring you. Also, this is Jellybean, a Rottweiler.
Okay, don’t look now, but Charlie here is definitely staring at you. Maybe he starts humping your leg and you don’t stop it. Maybe you lean into it just a little. It’s not illegal if he starts it, right?
